Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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