Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
did i walk over a car last night?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
