she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize