Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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