Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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