So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
