if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The uberlube is also flammable
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
