I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
