PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize