...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize