we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize