he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
