I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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