people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
