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So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize