Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
