one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
