theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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