I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Please don't give away my fajitas
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
