Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
