So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
