Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
