please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
