she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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