i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
