so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
