mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
