As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
