i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize