its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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