bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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