I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
