I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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