I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
whose parrot is this?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
