I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
