Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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