her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
