Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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