hell yes lets make some ravioli
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
