Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
