If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize