Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
