If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
