I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
