I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize