I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
