my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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