I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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