I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
