Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
