K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
