Christians are straight up FREAKS
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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