This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
