I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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