Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
