I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
