i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
