A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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