And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
