listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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