Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
