dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
