just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
