i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
