Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
