hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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