I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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