theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize