Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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