chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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