I am midnight drunk by noon
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
