Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
